Anonymous asked: Hi Joe! ill try to keep this ask as short as possible. theres this cute guy I see at Mass and he looks so holy & devout & attractive & I cant help but stare at him sometimes to the point where he becomes a distraction. I know its a bad thing to have him take away my focus from Christ at Mass but at the same time I feel drawn to this guy. Hes literally perfect and we've exchanged smiles and glances in church and I get the feeling he wants to talk to me as much as I want to to him but were 2 shy 2
Hahahaha first off, props for fitting this all into the 500 character ask limit. :P
Well I’ve definitely had a similar experience to yours seeing an attractive, holy looking girl pop in and out of daily Mass every now and then in my parish LOL and I kinda understand that sense of wanting to get to know her more and be friends with her.
She’s been a distraction for me as well and I guess though it’s a wonderful gift from God that we can appreciate His creation, it’s easy to fall into the traps of infatuation and the tendency to make people out to be much more than what they are. Like, you begin the paint a picture of this stranger based on what you can externally see and suddenly your mind takes over the whole canvas and you begin to paint a picture of this person with the brush of your internalized expectations and hopes and ideas of perfection.. When really, until you actually get to talk to the person and get to know them, you won’t even know if these things are true.
Take my unhealthy obsession with Emma Watson for example. I might claim that she’s the most magical girl I’ve ever seen before in my life because she’s cast a spell on me but if I’m just basing this on her character from the Harry Potter movies or from what I’ve read about her without really actually personally getting to know her then I’m really not in the position to say she’s literally the most perfect girl in the world for me.
And like, even though that girl I see at daily Mass looks like she’d be “the one for me” in my mind just because her hair falls down the right way, her smile is enough to light up the whole church, or her reverence when receiving the Eucharist is just asdfghjkl; (I’ll stop now), it would be unfair to her and to me if I began to dwell on this unrealistic and incomplete image I have of her instead of resolve to actually get to know her more; talk to her, invite her for coffee etc…..
In this case then, we’d be dealing with a whole ‘nother thing. At least, I think I can speak for most young men when I say that most of the time, our inability or hesitation to ask girls out or get to know them more has to do with either pride or fear.
Either the pride that we don’t want to put ourselves out there and be subject to scrutiny or admit that wooing a girl involves some sense of humility, service, and chivalry; or the fear that we’ll be rejected, let down, too uninteresting, boring, or unable to keep up a relationship.
Idk. Just the way I see it though.
I wish I could say more about this, but I obviously can’t speak for what goes on in a girl’s mind, and, quoting the words of Chad Dansworth from High School Musical: I don’t attempt to understand the female mind… It’s foreign territory.
Hope this helps though! I know I kinda beat around the bush for this question A LOT but just in summary, be wary of infatuation/unrealistic expectations, either see this distraction as a way of God trying to tell you something and move you to action (talk to the guy, wait for him to talk to you
BUT I DO NOT SUGGEST THIS OMG NICE CATHOLIC GUYS MAKING THE FIRST MOVE LOL SO OUTRAGEOUS I CAN’T EVEN) or try to get rid of the distraction altogether - like, I don’t know. Switch parishes LOL.
Because if you just let the distraction be means for nothing more than wishful thinking and daydreaming and staring and whatnot, then……. You’re not really doing God’s will either way.
Good luck and God bless!