allforhisgreaterglory

These Dominicans novices though.....

1. OP #1: So where'd you get accepted so far?
2. Me: UC Berkeley, TAC, UD, Steubenville....
3. OP#2: AGH, Cal, TAC, and UD we can live with since we got OP's posted round those areas, but Steubenville.. naaaah.
4. OP#1: Yeah seriously man, you got no business becoming a tree lovin' friar. We gotta get you in white.

And this is why I love substitute teachers.

1. Substitute Teacher: So, um.. Looks like we're going over bills and laws and amendments today, so, um.... Let's see. Can anyone name an Amendment for me?
2. My class: The first one.
3. My class: The third one.
4. My class: The thirteenth one.
5. My class: The tenth one.
6. My class: The sixth one.

1. (We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)
2. TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just use my cell phone’ nonsense.”
3. Student: “[TA's name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”
4. TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”
5. Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”
6. Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”
7. TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”
8. Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”
9. (Everyone starts laughing.)
10. TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”
11. (Everyone groans.)
12. TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”
13. (The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)
14. Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA's name]?”
15. TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”
16. (The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)
17. Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”
18. (At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)
19. Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”
20. (The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)
21. Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”
22. Entire Class: “MAAATH!”
23. Professor: “MAAAAATH!”
24. Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”
25. Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”
26. (The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)
27. Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.’”